So, I didn't have the courage to do what I've planned to. Backed out in the end. Hating myself for my cowardice. But owells.
Everything after Os.
Things will go well. Lastly, looped the symphony 3 times. Almost didn't catch a wink that night. Hahas. And it sorta helped. so who says two wrongs can't make a right? Hahas.
lu 9:04 PM
Monday, October 29, 2007
C'est la vie:
Thanks people for the encouragement. Emo or not I think I've sorta made up my mind. Just that it came sooner than i've expected.
生命中有許多的場合，都要痛下決心去選擇離開；
離開，不一定是悲傷， 有時候是為了到達另一個新境界的過程。
Koped from km uploaded by zhou lao shi/ isit yang laoshi? It's plain stupidity worrying over crap like that. When all people do is. GAH. never mind. It's just too discouraging. The damage IS done. Yes it hurts to leave now. But still the time has come. There's nothing more to keep me hanging on. Cause it's pointless. All's too late. Good does triumph over evil but it's gonna be none of my business soon. I'm not emo. I just hate myself for this mentality. But I've made up my mind.
c'est la vie. looping the slit-wrist inducing symphony for the 2nd time. wondering how many more times must i loop
lu 5:45 PM
C'est la vie:
Life IS a joke.
Think char is right.
That's the last straw.
Finally.
Can I declare outrightly That I've lost faith in the phrase ' good triumphs over evil' ?
There's no absolute answer. More than often, they are just grey areas. Utilitarianism haha. I've never known the word to be as hideous and as daunting as it is to me now. Very often, it's the easiest and fastest solution to MI tests and essays. But then again, in life it isn't.
I can't concentrate. Please. Things went terribly wrong and I can't right it. ASDLKFJASDLFJAKDSFJLKASDJFLKSDAJFADKSLJLKASFDFJLASKLJDSALJKFSDJLKASDJLKFASDJLKSFDLJKJKLASDFJKLFSAEJKLWEJKLRWJKLRJKLWEJKLDSJKLSDFIOWEOIP URWUEIOJKLWEFELWKDSJKLFSDUIOWQ3R.
For now there's really nothing I can do. I'm not desperate. Not hopeless.
Just hate and regret. Over I've no idea what. There's no point.
Hate myself for being so minute and powerless. miserably helpless to do anything to right this wrong. For succumbing to threats and close an eye about those. For the thought of washing my hands off things and watch things go and not doing anything. Yes. If nothing go wrong I'll do just that. Yes I'm weak. Whatever you say I am, go on. I hate myself for this possible course of action. But what can I do. What more can I do? The more I do, the more I'll hurt myself. And it won't work anyway. Same logic as battling a level 25 monster when you'er just level 1. You just end up dead. And the monster will still be there, safe and sound. What's the whole point troubling myself with all these crap when all I'm gonna get is injuries up down left right centre?
I'm really sick and tired. Of people backstabbing me every now and then.
The damage is done.
All I've gotten out of this is the fact that Good may not always triumph over evil. Perhaps I'm just slow? Or too idealistic?
I sincerely do not want a heart attack or stroke by the age of 18. I know I'm getting there.
People just choose to be blind/oblivious to the right cause the wrong's much easier.
A bunch of useless hypocrites.
lu 4:55 PM
C'est la vie:
I haven't been online for real long. and the first thing I do online is to emo.
Shldn't be.
Hahas. JUNMONG is a really inspiring show. =)
Bye bye.
lu 3:41 PM
Sunday, October 28, 2007
C'est la vie: Please do not disturb me.
I'm having a very ultra bad tension headache and nothing worked for now.
Gah.
lu 5:38 PM
Saturday, October 27, 2007
C'est la vie:
XINYUN! yupe. hahas. no but why my name? Shouldn't it be auddie? hahahs.
Been a long time since I've been here.
Yes. Chinese has just filled my whole entire life. I've kinda pangsehed facebk, my dear bloggie and perhaps some other stuff which I'll probably regret/am regretting now. like the LANG LANG CONCERT. ZOMG. WTH. one day later and I swear I'll make it. It's on the 30th oct btw. Sigh. NOT FATED. -.-'''
So let me not lament over the clearing out of TC34 though it's really empty now and lifeless. ( More so than usual, since we are the zombie class in the level hahas) So not the way it ought to be.
Somehow, I feel classrooms are the most interesting building in the world. They witness a thousand and one changes in school and peeped into the lives of a thousand and one different people.
Oh talking about this. Mr Eng drove me crazy. I swear if he ever get facebk, I'll humtum him like nobody's business. (This is partly possible since he doesn't teach IP3/4 -.-)
we were all slacking cause we kinda thought we finished packing. So mr eng came along and checked. Mr eng: ARE YOU ALL DONE WITH PACKING? *silence* Mr eng: Those stuff on the noticeboard must be removed. Do you think the next year ip1s will want those stuff on your noticeboard? Purple. ha ha. *looks down and glares at my table which was right under his nose and filled with purple stuff.* (??!?!?!) me: zomg. GAHHH... nfl. -.-'''
by the way, my bag, wallet, pencil case, stationery, files (and drawstring) are all purple. =) Soon I'll get a purple phone too =) So it's really really NOT funny to laugh at purple in front of me -.-''' OR ZENG LAO SHI! =D
Anyhow. Friday was really too great to be missed. Really wonder if we can ever seat together in a row and do silly stuff, like comparing the colour of the day, or spraying perfumes up down left right centre, or drawing on people's hands (though i cherish my life so much I refuse to participate) or plain crapping during lectures ever again. People around me are all taking super different subject combis cept for kt yay!
On this topic. End up not being able to keep my promise. Things seem to shatter all of a sudden. Considering the fact that my combi is really common amongst ips, we can conclude that I have very unique friends who don't go with the flow.
So then, so then so then.... TEHEE( inside joke. try reading it out ) -.- That's how it is. The last lecture was spent quite meaningfully together. Hahas.
That's bout it. Will blog after os.
And when I start on my nomadic life.
lu 10:51 AM
Saturday, October 20, 2007
C'est la vie:
I really really want to get out of this crappish korean drama.
Pls. play some other time NOT NOW REALLY. I'll gladly join in the fun. I'm a good actress really, if you haven't realised.
I do not want to regret. And I've a feeling I will.
May I be damned if I do. I'll rather kill myself than regret over this.
And if only i am as powerful and smart as JUNMONG. ZOMG. If only I'm acting as the lead actress of junmong. I hope I am. =)
And in case you haven't realise. Someone I idolise says that by learning/studying/mugging, you can bring yourself out of misery momentarily. (Yes, I'm running away, cos the truth is really grotesque but whatever. and go on guessing who I idolise, you'll never get it.)
I'm doing just that fyi. So I better make it this time =)
lu 10:21 PM
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
C'est la vie:
Ok. Nothing much really cept yesterday.
Went bishan macs with char and eug koh. Super hilarious. zomg. I proclaim him king of lamos.
But i can't be bothered to share them.
So too bad. Hahahs.
And seriously I can't believe that's gonna be my chi standards for the rest of my life or probably even lower. Heh. Just like that I'm gonna end it all?
lu 10:07 PM
Monday, October 15, 2007
C'est la vie: Sorry char =) Correction:
It's supposedly, Mr Khoo saying smthg about us 16yrs old still not mature/smthg. Char (not xr) : Age does not determine maturity. Khoo: What does? XR: Not you.
ROFLMAO!
happy? hahas.
lu 9:47 PM
C'est la vie:
Xiurong: Age does not determine maturity Mr khoo(not cool) : What does? Xiurong: Not you. -.-
Rest: ROFLMAO!
Okey. Here's the funny quote for this week. Doubt there's gonna be anymore soon. Really missing 04. Despite the segregation of cliques, despite the conflicts sometimes, despite the imperfection.
For now,
We're still ONE 04 =) Like what char and kris said.
And someone please give me the courage to close down this blog. There's nothing more to keep in here. Since I'm on a hiatus more often then not.
I've kept this place for 4 years. Long enough for anything. =) It's time. BUT ok I admit that I'm just too lazy to inform the world to relink. And I can't be bothered to do a html to redirect. There. Any kind souls willing to volunteer their service? Hahas. It'll be greatly appreciated.
lu 5:55 PM
C'est la vie:
At least I think I've found the explanation to my weird mood. Must be cause of the thick lousy stack of chi newspaper articles which are mostly on depression, and social problems. The root of my problem: Chinese Os. Seriously, it really IS the cause of my problem lah. yet i can't leave it alone. Since i've promised someone I'll ___________. I'm a girl of my word =) If not for that promise I will probably be slacking gaming shopping and doing everything under the sun to make myself happy. Darn.
lu 11:53 AM
C'est la vie:
Ok. jh: sorry I'm just at a lost for appropriate terms heh=)
Anyhow, life's so-so. Nothing interesting. And it won't be wrong if you assume that it's boring. Yes, I've 1001 bks to read and things to do, but for now it's CHINESE CHINESE CHINESE.
In addition to that, I'm really really REALLY (with a rubato) exasperated over things beyond my control, over things I desperately try to work out but to no avail, over... ARGH. Everything lah.
Like I've said though, they are things beyond my control and the only thing I CAN do now is mug for the freagin chinese which is so darn boring. I bet I must have yawned the 100th times in an hour before I've decided to take this break. (Ok, I'm exaggerating, but it's that bad lah)
The temptations to pull my hair out is increasing by the minute and I'm just kinda wallowing in self-pity over my inabilities.
Gah, never mind. Forget it, I'll stick to mugging. -.-'''
lu 8:42 AM
Friday, October 12, 2007
C'est la vie:
So, my subject combi's more or less set.
Went for the organ concert yesterday got home at eleven.
Lotsa interesting stuff happened.
Why the hell is my mozilla so lag?
Darn.
Anyhow, went for dinner with mufeng and her dad. Hahas. Was fun. Thanks btw, for the lift =) Ate subway and tapaoed subway for mr seow. Got every single topping for him. Hahas. Saw oxy and collins' friend at ikea. So for the first time ever I finally get to see the dunman jc dpt uniform. It looks like ACJC uniform lah. -.-. For a moment I took oxy for someone else I know in Acjc since I do not know many pple frm there. Until mufeng confirmed that that was dunman jc dpt uni. I think it's just a hybrid of rj and acj.
Anyhow, the concert. Majority were baroque and classical pieces. With a romantic period one by franz liszt. Ok what am I ranting on about? There's only 4 pieces played. But it was really cool. Hahas.
Good and bad lah. Mr Seow being beside me will constantly remind me of what to look out (listen out rather-.-) for. Then again, I suddenly thought of the times when we first started out in the cosy Piano room. Made me feel that I've _________________ all the more. Perhaps it's just me who's thinking too much? hahas. I don't know. =S.
Went out with ms huang mufeng and eugene for supper. And updated. =)
Ok lah. I'm contented. Though I can't do EVERYTHING I like. At least I like EVERYTHING i'll do.
Despite that, pls do not raise anything about my subject combis again ty =) I'll really miss those.
Cheerios =)
lu 7:51 PM
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
C'est la vie:
Beethoven's 5th is stuck in my head and I can't get it out.
fate eh.
Haha.
And i think i kinda miss my dear friend beethoven whom my dearest teacher used to pray to last time =)
That's the extract for my last music paper =) It's all fate =)
And with that how can i forget this?
And the all-so-mesmerising original version of V3 on 02jam. hahas.
This is the best version I can get on youtube. Hahas =)
lu 9:02 PM
Saturday, October 06, 2007
C'est la vie:
JUNMONG <333
and the old curiosity shop
plus my haydn rocks my world.
Yay. post exams rock
lu 10:52 PM
Friday, October 05, 2007
C'est la vie:
So assweek's over.
And IP2 life is gonna be over soon too.
Crossing that invisible barrier, an inch further from the ip kampong. Anyhow, life's gonna be so much better if i can get THE subject combi.
But hope it's gonna be fine. It's a matter of getting use to. Hahas. yes, I may be officially out of the music department next year, high possibility. Be it kicked or out of my own free will (actually not really) but if that's really the case I think the probability of the former happening will be much higher than the later though.
But guess it's just a matter of getting use to? Hahas. Owell, like my blog entries. C'est la vie.
I totally can't believe that in another 2 years time I'll be out of jc. Things are moving fast. Was as if yesterday that I was IP2 hahas.
Oh btw. I came up with a really cliche thing again during chem consultation. ms yeo: You're not keeping her (me) company? Me: Erh ms yeo, it's ok. I can take care of myself. I'm not a lone electron, I need not to be bonded to be stable =)
lu 8:04 PM
Thursday, October 04, 2007
C'est la vie:
1 MORE DAY.
and assweek being assweek is just out to make me emo.
