C'est la vie:
Ok, just had my elections speech. I didn't read my whole script else it'll be longer. But it's ok I guess.
Just something to lighten the mood here. Getting kinda dull now.
Koped it from my friend's blog, in case you find it very vulgar and so unlike the demure me.
*Telephone rings*
GEC: Hello! This is
GPA
Emergency
Center, may i help you sir?
xxx: HELP! My GPA is dying this very minute!!
GEC: Calm down sir! We have just the right tactics and methods to solve your problem.
xxx: Good, tell me more about your services.
GEC: Yes sir, can i first know more about the seriousness of your GPA problem?
xxx: ... I do not want to reveal my GPA! It is just very lousy.
GEC: Ok, then i shall talk more about our services. We have different plans for different cases, but mainly there are 3 categories, 2.8-3.6, 2.0-2.8, 2.0 and below.
For 2.8-3.6, i must say that your condition is still okay, just have to practise more to do better. The duration of our plan is about 1 month, the cost is 75% of your personal free time + 80% concentration in whatever you do.
For 2.0-2.8, your situation is quite bad, your foundation is rather weak which implies your unattentiveness during class time, you definitely need to spend more time on your academic work, so the duration of the plan is 3 months, the cost is 95% of your personal free time + 90% concentration in whatever you do.
For the last case, 2.0 and below, our most sincere suggestion to you is to just climb to the top of the building and jump down, your case is beyond any cure, your GPA totally SUCKS, which shows that you are extremely dumb and stupid, please do not waste our time here, bye!
xxx: ok now i am more clear of your plans, but i find them rather slow and ineffective. All these plans are too orthodox and law-abiding, i want something more evil and wild with immediate effect! I want to know about the special services that you have.
GEC: Are you sure of your decision sir? These special plans are too costly for an average student like you!
xxx: Hey do not look down on me, i have more substance than you could ever imagine, just stfu and tell me what i want to know.
GEC: My apology sir! Our special services consist of the following plans:
- Bring cheat notes into exams and tests with almost illegibly tiny handwriting
- Trading answers to the tests with other classes
- Getting tips from friends who have already taken it
- Pretending to be ill and be absent, take the test another day with all the answers
xxx: Wow, these are exactly what i am looking for, how much for all of them!
GEC: The price is costly, you will have to pay up all of your spiritual property, including your conscience, your dignity, your self-esteem, your pride and your innocence. Can you afford it?
xxx: Of course, i do not need those things, GPA is much much more important than all these useless junks.
GEC: You sure? If you really purchase all these plans with your spiritual property, you will become a despicable, wretched, worthless, obnoxious, shameless someone who deserves no pity what so ever even if you rot in hell.
xxx: Cut the crap and hand me all these plans, i have a Physics Test tomorrow and i want to make use of the plans right away.
GEC: If you insist sir. By the way, your GPA must be quite low for you to be desperate enough to get
those plans?
xxx: What quite low, my GPA is damn fking low! Only 4.0! I want 4.2+++ no matter what!
GEC: HUH?! 4.0?!
xxx: Ya, damn fking low right?
lu
9:43 PM
